kadynce (kadynce) wrote,
kadynce
kadynce

Marriage

Asa is determined to go with me to Texas.

Honestly, I told him I wouldn't live with him unless we are married. And then he just keeps talking about us living together and blah blah blah and I'm just like... half of me can imagine it, and half of me can't. I don't honsetly think he could afford to care care of himself, much less me, which is what he would want. I think he just doesn't have a good grasp of reality right now. He says that he could just scrape and make ends meet, but $8/hour is $8/hour, no matter how you slice it.

He told me that after I said I wasn't ready to get married, last night. I mean, he never even ASKED me. I mean. I guess. He's asked me before, just not... he never proposed!! He's just asked casually. Seriously most of the time, but just because I have said I will marry you does not mean "I will marry you within the next month even though you haven't proposed". Honestly, I even started reading up on "are you ready for marriage" and such and I found something that said if you feel pressured, you aren't ready. I definitely feel pressured right now so I am NOT budging on this. It's just not fair. And then he said something about his dad saying to put 2 for family size on the relocation sheet. What? No. That is not how it works. You telling me something your dad says is not an acceptable way to ASK for the priveledge to move with me. XD AGH haha.

I mean, we've been dating long enough. Almost 2 years. I'm just so young and so is he, both 21, though I'm about to be 22. I don't even really know what it's like to be an adult yet. How am I ready for marriage? I love him to death and I don't want to lose him. He claims that Texas is too far for either of us to be happy in our relationship. (like if I were there and he stayed here) It just doesn't sound like the Asa of a year ago, right when we were in the thick of an 8-month long-distance stint. It's just so weird, I feel like we've reversed roles. I used to be the one who worried about our future all the time. And worrying about when we'd see each other next, it would wear on me more. But now it seems that he is the one who has lost hope. I'm just not sure what the right answer out of this predicament is; mostly because there doesn't seem to be one.
Tags: asa, job search, marriage, moving, not ready, poor, texas, worries
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