Dear God, make me a bird
So, Asa and I are going to Michigan two Thursdays from now for a wedding!

I called my aunt today to ask if I could stay with her. I feel bad because I don't think I've called her any other time. Slightly awkward. If we wanted to stay with them before, my mom would've just called and I would've gone up with my parents. It's weird doing stuff on your own.

Anyway, I got sad because she said her oldest son is getting a divorce. I have 12 cousins on this side, and this aunt and uncle have 4 of the kids. This particular son is the only one who doesn't live in Michigan now, though the soon-to-be ex moved back home to MI. So, I feel very bad for him, too, because I understand wanting to go home. To want to go home and be losing a spouse sounds terrible.

Buuut now I've got to try and be productive in the 2 hours before bed. I've been exercising sporadically and I think it's helpful, but it's getting the activation energy to do it!

On a sidenote, I've actually been on the computer most of the day for work for the past few days (instead of walking around most of the day, sometimes in the cold) and actually I don't think it's better :/ I mean I guess both suck in their own way, but being at a computer isn't the great dream I thought it would be - it just makes me want to use my own even less than I normally would!


New Job - Cinco de Mayo
Dear God, make me a bird
My first day of work today.

It sucked, as normal, because first days ALWAYS suck. I HATE the first day of work, actually, when you know nothing and everyone around you is your boss, and you have all these names to remember, ooh, and shaking everyone's hands (when mine is probably sweaty), and getting lost and not having a routine. Yup. (Oh yeah, and one of my bosses is named Scotland. Literally, haha.)

I went in at 7:45 today to do paperwork, drug tests, and health screen, before following around a few different people for the rest of the day >__> it was cold, too. And I smelled like a chicken plant, which is definitely less bad then a White Castle plant, but still noticeable.

For one of my drug tests, a lady had to watch me pee. Yup. An "observed" urine test. Awkward. And, at the health exam, the examiner found a cyst on my left wrist that LITERALLY JUST appeared last Wednesday. It has been freaking me out, and he said it won't go away >___>;. I am SO VERYYYY bummed about this ;-;. Dunno what to do as of now except wait. I hate some things about my body sometimes, but I've never really had a tumor or other kind of growth that I know of, so it's just messing with my mind and FREAKING ME OUT O__O

Tomorrow will probably be worse, though. Today I went in at 7:45, but tomorrow I follow around my main boss all day starting at 6:30 O___O the hotel we're staying in doesn't even start serving breakfast until then, so today I went and bought some cereal. Bleh. 6:30. I can't help but feel massive amounts of self-pity right now XD I guess it's good that my hubby is here (even though he's asleep XD bc he works third shift, so he's taking a nap before his own first day), because without him I'd probably feel way worse and be crying right now X3 Gah, I cry easily.

Dear Lord,
Please watch over both me and my husband in this week to come, especially tomorrow. I love you so much, please help me to put my faith and trust in you and your plan for me. (and him!)


Marriage part 3 or 4 or 5 or something...uh... oh, it never ends? Haha :P :)
Dear God, make me a bird
So so so I'm getting married!!

We want to do a week from today.

Long story short: Mom found out we were gonna elope and made a thing about it, so now both sets of parents are going to see us married. His dad is officiating because he's ordained.

I want somewhere free XD So, a park. I just called a park downtown on the river and they said it'd be free if we didn't have any "infrastructure" which we don't XD But, no places to go if the weather is bad.

The most awkward thing though is the wedding night >__>... I was planning on just not being together until we leave for Texas the following week, but now today Asa's dad offered to buy us a "suite" for his wedding present to us. It's just so...awkward... I mean, I don't feel awkward with Asa, just awkward like...about the situation O__o and then like going back home to my parent's house the next day? It's just so weird. Geh.

Still have to figure out the marriage licences. And rings. And the dress. And pretty much everything else. Oh, and I have an appointment with my doctor for talking about birth control today. How long do you have to take birth control before it works?! O_o. Oh, and I called my relocation agent today. No answer. Ahh! Life is moving fast now. I am glad Ashley gave me some wedding planning books after her shower on Saturday, because they have emotional preparedness sections too, which have been nice to read.

Thank you, God, for the moments of rest I got to experience last week. I pray that this coming week will go smoothly, as well as the following one. Please bless and keep me through these moments of turmoil and allow me to trust you and rely on you for strength. Amen


Northern Kentucky Trip
Dear God, make me a bird
Well, April is shaping up to be a busy month! I'll just get us started on next week:

My dear friend from college's Bridal Shower is a week from today! I'm excited that in exactly a week I'll be sitting with her and her other friends! It's co-ed, and Asa can't go because of his work schedule, (even though he invited me yesterday to visit next weekend, I'm not sure how he thinks we could've spent much time together bc he works Fri-Mon 3rd shift XD. Guess he hadn't really thought about that.) so I guess it's up to me to hold down the Burnoski-Hoffman fort, haha, not that I mind too much XD I didn't even know it was a co-ed shower until a few weeks ago. I wonder how common that is. I think I'll probably have mine be girls-only, because that's more fun! Haha XD IDK!! Guess we'll see how this one turns out first XD.

And then for most of this coming week I'm planning on making my trip up to Northern KY to see all 3 parties of interest - Ben, Melanie & family, and Asa's Grandma Cheryl and family. Apparently I didn't mention this to Asa until yesterday, though, and he got upset because he can't go and he thinks if I told him earlier he'd have managed to be able to come (I have my doubts, but guess it doesn't matter how slim it might've been when he's convinced otherwise). But the thing is, it didn't even /start/ with me going up to see his family. They were just a nice side bonus. It was about the birthday celebration with Ben - we have the same birthday and met first semester in college. We've celebrated our 20th and 21st birthdays together so far together. I figured since I'm still here (barely) for my 22nd, why not try to work it out? And it looks like it will, so yay!

He still got very sad though. I knew he was upset and sniffly, he said he was fine, though I could TELL he wasn't. And he said he was also sad because he didn't think he could see any of his friends before we left. So he was most likely jealous about me being able to see his family and him not, and me being able to see my friends and him not. Neither of which I begrudge him for at all, I actually understand 100% and it makes me sad that I hurt him by being a tad thoughtless. So, I offered once again for him to not go down initially to TX, but he really wants to and he didn't take it the "right" way at all, it more made him even more upset. I think because I was seeming like I didn't want him to go initially, which isn't true either. It might be less stressful, but it could be more stressful, too. Anyway, I'm going to stop making that suggestion because clearly he doesn't want to stay behind at all and it only makes him sad when I say it XD

As a last note of interest, Melanie invited herself to the birthday celebration - which is good, because if she hadn't it might have only been Ben and me. Which wouldn't be awkward inherently - we spent plenty of time hanging out alone Freshman year - but it might just be awkward because of me being engaged and celebrating with him only might not be how an engaged woman should act. So, part of me is relieved. And also anxious. Mel has let on that she likes him, but I'm not sure at all how he'd react. I don't think he likes her XD Not dislike, per se, but he has probably never even considered dating her before. (Imo, not completely sure of course). She wants to plot some way to talk to him alone while we're all 3 hanging out, and I don't know how that's gonna happen. Sigh. We'll see!!!


Dear God, make me a bird
I feel like whenever I make a to-do list, it is inevitable that it won't all get done. *sigh* But, I guess that's somewhat the point, to help yourself see what you still have "to-do" lalwlwlwl (XD)..

Anyway, I have a ton to do before I move! I'm getting anxious because no one has contacted me yet from the relocation company. Surely they didn't mean I'd get my relocation details in mid-April, too, when my job starts May 5th? But apparently it does.

Plus, I was planning on taking a preliminary trip down there to scout out apartments, but now I see that that was probably stupid and isn't going to happen, because why else would they put me in a hotel the first few weeks? Probably so I can look for a place to live. *sigh*. It just doesn't logistically seem to make sense. Where would all my stuff go during that time? Would I just make a trip back home during my first few weeks to get it? Would it be brought down with me when I came and just put into a storage unit? What are the other trainees doing? When do I get to meet them?

Obviously, I can't bother the HR lady with ALL of these questions.

And then more questions just for me... like how am I going to buy a car here when no one's around to visit the lot with me? When is the best time? Is my dad going with me? When would that be, because I work on Saturdays? Should I just test-drive cars for now and then get an idea? Do I have to get a KY licence plate for >1 month? Can I go on my parents' insurance for >1 month? Sigh.

And Asa is getting antsy about it, too. He's like "I NEED to know when we're moving so I can put in my transfer at work" blahblahblah, like losing his Walmart job is the biggest deal in the world, and then I feel like a horrible person for thinking that, and then I feel ashamed because it IS a lot better than nothing. DX blah!!

No wonder moving is supposedly one of the top-3 most stressful things in life. Let's just count it as an extra bonus that I get to experience one of the others, starting a new job, shortly after XD Oh, wow. Okay, time for the pity party to end


Gah!! Haha...
Dear God, make me a bird
Tomorrow is APRIL!! Ahhh haha.

Being engaged is cool and all, but I hate the blizzard of questions it brings. DX I was mobbed at church for Wednesday and Sunday service, and I got the date question a few times (when's the wedding?). I got asked by my neighbor, too, just now when I was walking Boris. I've just started answering with the elope scenario just because it's probably what's going to happen and it seems better to plant it in their minds now XD The sooner the better I guess, so they can get more used to it?

Book ramblingsCollapse )

Marriage part 2
Dear God, make me a bird
Well, I was right!

I guess it's hard to be sneaky when you live 1.5 hours away. And plus, I stumbled upon him and my dad talking. alone. Talk about suspicious.

Asa proposed to me on a walk with my dog. It was probably the most boring/mundane proposal ever, but I really don't mind. My only regret is he didn't get on one knee, but, he was holding my spastic dog at the time on his leash (literally, my dog is SO bad and a terrible walker XD he tries to run away whenever he can, too), so I guess I'll give him a free pass, this time :P XD. It kind of fits in with my thoughts I was thinking last week after reading "How to Pick Your Life Partner" (http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html), about how your partner should make your Forgettable Wednesdays better and not worse, because that's the majority of the time you'll spend with them - not holidays, birthdays etc.

Picture of the ringCollapse )

Anyway, yeah. So. About last week. I dunno. I just feel 10x better about the whole thing now. If we had to get married before Texas so he could live with me, I could. I just need to get my butt in gear.

Now that I have a plan, I just need to DO it. I've been a bit lazy about figuring stuff out - admittedly I was working & on vacation for 4 days, but yesterday was my first day back and I haven't been that productive XD A lot of Farmville and reading. But I will do the stuff on my to-do list, today! I will!

Nashville was awesome, I haven't been on a real vacation in so long! It was the only time I've been on Spring Break somewhere with friends (well literally the only other time besides 4th grade). It was hilarious because one of the two girls was my roomie from last semester but all 3 of us had been floormates Freshman year. The ex-roomie hates country music and loves rap though, so it was kinda funny being in the Country Music Capital of the world XD. But we managed to find a bar that had dancing and mixed music which we visited both nights we were there (And we did other stuff too! XD), so it was lots of fun for all three of us, thankfully :)

So yeah. Back to reality, hehe, and gotta get life ready to be uprooted. Sounds like a plan! Now let's go!


Dear God, make me a bird
I've decided to accept the job in Texas :)

We'll see what happens.

&& Tomorrow it's off to Tennessee for a few days with some of my girlfriends from Freshman year in college. (Well, and one of them happens to be one of my roomies from last semester, too).

Buut.. for now, Asa just told me about an hour ago that he's coming up here. Randomly. It's 1.5 hours away and I haven't seen him since his birthday, at the end of January. I was adamantly against it at first - driving 3 hours in a day just to spend a portion of a day with me? And I have church tonight, for Lent, too. But he insisted, and I gave in when I realized he wanted to talk in-person about Texas. Then a few seconds later, it hit me that he might be planning on proposing.

I'm getting nervous now.

I think I'm just gonna ask him when I see him if he's planning on it XD I HATE tension and feeling like that before something...part anxiety, part premonition, part foreboding and part...idk. Desire, maybe, or that feeling like I'm falling during a roller coaster. So pretty much mostly unpleasant.

Anyway, we'll see! Should be interesting no matter what.

Dear God, make me a bird
Asa is determined to go with me to Texas.

Honestly, I told him I wouldn't live with him unless we are married. And then he just keeps talking about us living together and blah blah blah and I'm just like... half of me can imagine it, and half of me can't. I don't honsetly think he could afford to care care of himself, much less me, which is what he would want. I think he just doesn't have a good grasp of reality right now. He says that he could just scrape and make ends meet, but $8/hour is $8/hour, no matter how you slice it.

He told me that after I said I wasn't ready to get married, last night. I mean, he never even ASKED me. I mean. I guess. He's asked me before, just not... he never proposed!! He's just asked casually. Seriously most of the time, but just because I have said I will marry you does not mean "I will marry you within the next month even though you haven't proposed". Honestly, I even started reading up on "are you ready for marriage" and such and I found something that said if you feel pressured, you aren't ready. I definitely feel pressured right now so I am NOT budging on this. It's just not fair. And then he said something about his dad saying to put 2 for family size on the relocation sheet. What? No. That is not how it works. You telling me something your dad says is not an acceptable way to ASK for the priveledge to move with me. XD AGH haha.

I mean, we've been dating long enough. Almost 2 years. I'm just so young and so is he, both 21, though I'm about to be 22. I don't even really know what it's like to be an adult yet. How am I ready for marriage? I love him to death and I don't want to lose him. He claims that Texas is too far for either of us to be happy in our relationship. (like if I were there and he stayed here) It just doesn't sound like the Asa of a year ago, right when we were in the thick of an 8-month long-distance stint. It's just so weird, I feel like we've reversed roles. I used to be the one who worried about our future all the time. And worrying about when we'd see each other next, it would wear on me more. But now it seems that he is the one who has lost hope. I'm just not sure what the right answer out of this predicament is; mostly because there doesn't seem to be one.

Jobs, worries, and ramblings...
Dear God, make me a bird
Gah! Lol.

Well, somehow I managed to make my flights/not crash the rental car/make it to the interview on time and generally get there and back with no major mishaps. I made a driving error or two, but I guess because I had just enough leeway time it was forgiven and I still made the flight home on time.

They actually offered me the job while I was there! A verbal offer was extended. I love the guy who would be my direct boss. He is hilarious. We talked about Calculus (shudder..lol) and stuff. It was actually the best interview of my life (the most enjoyable for me) because after the initial part of mostly goofiness he said "okay, now, this interview is yours. What questions do you have for me?". It was my dream come true interview because I really just got to ask away. Haha! He also "doesn't believe in business cards" HAHA!! I love it.

The offer is 39k. It's in TX, and I'd have to relocate (they have a relocation assistance/package, too). It's pretty cool for a girl who doesn't have any other offers right now and is making minimum wage at a part-time job. But unfortunately, to my brother and father and mother, whom I stupidly shared my (high?) hopes of 45-50k to, they think it's low. I mean, really. I don't honestly care about money all that much, if it's just me. I could live off it. But the IFT salary survey says new grads make an average of 44k with females a little lower. (sigh). Also, two of my classmates, a girl who graduated in May and a guy who graduated in Dec like me, both make 50k now. Like I said, I really could care less most moments, except for that tiny little jealous part that wants to keep up with the Joneses. But that part isn't there most days.

The only thing is...the rest of the search, of course. I have a few leads, still, and I don't want the end to be messy. I've interviewed twice with a job in town who said they would know the following week. It's now a month later. They called me 2.5 weeks ago to say I was a "preferred candidate" and that I should tell them if I had to rush for any reason. I think another offer is a rush. So, I tried to call HR this morning but she lives across the Ocean somewhere (in her email footer it says 2 different placesDX) and my phone wouldn't call to the different country. Bleh. So, I emailed, and apologized for the lack of formality.

But part of me is hoping that they don't respond so I have an "excuse" to move away. It would be fun, for sure. An adventure. I've lived in this state my whole life, after all, and I've been wanting to move for a few months now.

Dear God, please allow me to cast all my worries on to you and help me to do your will in this world. Amen.



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